I was watching the last episode of the BBC latest version of “Little Women” and there is a point after a death when the father tells one of his daughters to write to ease her pain. He tells her to “write about the times you were happiest” which got me thinking. Emotionally I rather shut down over the holiday period. There is too much change in my routine, too many people in the wrong places, doing things in the wrong way. That of course is only my experience, an autistic perspective. My partner found it relaxing and quiet. The one thing I really like at Christmas is sitting alone in the dead of night, preferably in silence with just the small multi-coloured lights for company. It is the one time of year when the stars can come inside the house I suppose. It isn’t surprising then that I like to leave the lights up for as long as possible.

The Christmas holiday is rather a depressing period for me and certainly this year I have been fully aware of that. Time then to list a few moments when I was happy. Not an easy thing to do off hand without photos to prompt me but let’s see where it goes.

I was happy when:

  • I sat silently in my grandfather’s Cox’s apple tree and watched my grandmother’s visitors come and go without them realising I was there;
  • I pinched my brother’s bike and learnt to ride it (this excludes the stopping by crashing into a wall);
  • I finally managed to do parallel turns in both directions and stayed upright on the skis;
  • I had trained enough to run for over an hour without stopping and felt that I could run all day;
  • When people complimented me on my end of year newsletter;
  • I passed my driving test;
  • I cycled to Hayling Island beach and back when I was 14 (44 miles in total);
  • When I won a gold fish at my brother’s school fair;
  • When I managed to do a proper ruby tackle on another boy (blind faith works only once);
  • I won the school prize for physics;
  • I got the toy plane from the shop window that I yearned for on my birthday;
  • I saw a colour slide of me as a pre-schooler at Christmas looking happy;
  • When I remember my son and his love for all things Thomas the Tank engine;
  • When I bought my kids decent bikes;
  • I share watching a new good film with my kids;
  • I taste good food and drink good wine;
  • I have exercised hard and feel strong the next day;
  • I see things that most people miss and can share it;
  • When I write out what is clogging up my mind;
  • When I am able to communicate my world view to other people;
  • When I loose sense of time when exercising or being creative;
  • When I have full contact on my skin;
  • When the present I wasn’t sure about giving, was received with enthusiasm;
  • When I stopped thinking and actually did something.

You know, I even think I feel a bit more content now.

Happy New Year all, I hope you all find the things you need to make your life peaceful.

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