Life can be rather disappointing at times. I have been alone most of the day in a motel room. I chose to do this because yesterday evening I received, for want of a better word, food poisoning. Now since this is the second time this has happened in month I am a little bit suspicious because I don’t think I have ever had an issue before despite all the “risks” I took as a student. There was not much I could do about it. I am on the north side of Vancouver island. There is probably a few hundred people living in this place but I suspect a bit of vomiting together with a touch of diahorrea is the kind of illness whereby the doc says, try to keep taking fluids and if things don’t improve in a couple of days, give me another call. I can’t say I was worried myself. It was all too sudden to be anything serious.
We went out whale watching yesterday and by all accounts, had a good time at it. The sea was calm with very little wind and the bumpiest it got was when we were near even to the open sea that the Pacific swell could be felt. Even then it was nothing compared to the Atlantic swell I have experienced and I didn’t feel the least bit motion sick. On our return we went to a local coffee shop where all five of us had a drink and something to eat. The only thing I had different to everybody else was an apple and cinnamon muffin. It tasted nice and I enjoyed it.
After spending five hours on a boat though we were all tired and so we retired back to our motel and went to sleep. I slept for longer than I expected and I felt a bit peculiar when I woke up. We were due to go out for a meal that night but as I wasn’t hungry I decided to stay in. I was in the bathroom when they all left without saying goodbye, I had just heaved a couple of times down the toilet and would probably welcomed a bit of sympathy before they were gone. I was on my own. I really don’t like feeling sick (who does?) and I get rather stoical and miserable at the same time. The heaving repeats itself every so often until there is nothing left in my stomach, then the dry heaving starts. This is worst somehow because for some reason it is much harder to stop dry heaving. Whilst it might be a good workout for my diaphragm muscles, dry heaving really strains my mental control. There comes a time when I start to wonder how much more I can take.
Yesterday seemed a rather short affair. There were four possibly five sets of diaphragm workouts before I felt exhausted enough to sleep. I was watching TV to take my mind off things so when I was feeling okay, I took some ibuprofen for the fever and settled in to watch NCIS and Twelve Monkeys.
I awoke feeling pretty good but since I expected the diahorrea to start I didn’t go to breakfast preferring instead to go for plain room temperature water. My expectations were confirmed so I decided not to take the ferry to Alert Bay and see the First Nation Kwakwaka’ wakw village there. The day past slowly and lonely. I wrote an article and posted it. I felt well enough for a walk and so I wondered around the town. I get the feeling that people are less friendly out here on the islands. I passed a few people but nobody held eye contact with me and nobody said hello. When I could have done with some friendliness, I couldn’t find it. This behaviour is strange. In Scotland it seems the more remote you get the more friendly people are. Perhaps I look too weird here. I did entertain myself trying to photograph bumble bees whilst at the back of my mind wondering whether I was committing a trespass offense.
Returning to my room I decided to try eating a bit of pizza given to me last night. The experiment was successful and so I looked forward to the rest of the family returning from their trip and perhaps going down to the coffee shop to hear about their adventures. In the meantime I watched cartoons on Netflix.
The family returned but nobody wanted to go out again but they did want to use my laptop. Apparently it wasn’t working though. I asked to see photos of the day as I thought that might elicit a bit of the day’s events which it did but basically they all seemed to want to sit down and do nothing. Far enough it isn’t exactly unusual for me to say I am too tired to do something the others want but it does tend to reinforce the loneliness.
In the end I decided I would go out down to the harbour and perhaps do some writing. I could go and get a drink from the coffee shop nearby but to be honest I feel too fragile for that. I am happy enough sitting here typing away watching people walk by. Perhaps I can make it into the supermarket on the way back. It is a bit weird that I missed my family when there were away, I felt lonely and aggrieved at missing out, because it would appear that I was well enough to go. But I can also feel lonely when they are here too. I guess loneliness is really about wanting to share experiences and having nobody around you to do that with. I think having people around you can actually amplify loneliness.
Having said all that I feel okay now. Perhaps the photographs that were taken were enough for me to feel part of the group again. Once the images were seen it appears the air in the room after they had came back wasn’t what I needed and in fact the cold air down by the harbour was. It is getting a bit too cold now though so perhaps it is time to re-join the family. I wonder if we can eat together.