The anxiety levels are ratcheting up. Currently I am sitting in the one room unoccupied in the house downloading movies from my streaming service so that I have something to distract me on the plane flights to Canada, because there doesn’t seem to be a guarantee the plane has inflight movies. I have set my medicines aside in the bedroom and checked my health insurance. Passport and money are the only other things to remember but then I realised that I don’t have tickets yet, well not boarding cards though I’m not sure I will be getting some because I may have to use my phone instead. Personally I feel more reassured with a bit of paper in my hand.

This isn’t my usual room for thinking. Someone is sleeping in that room at the moment. We also have stuff lying around everywhere it seems. One daughter was tidying up her room before we leave which means, in this case, moving out a lot of stuff that is normally strewn on her floor into the TV room, the room I am sitting in. I find this excess mess disturbing. It doesn’t end there. I moved another daughter home from University yesterday and since “her room” is now occupied by friends, her stuff is filling up the hallway. Even my own room has piles of clothes to put away but I need to sort out the ones to take away with me first.

At the same time there are other people in the room next door, the kitchen, chatting away. I suspect if I concentrated I could hear what they are saying but I am trying to ignore them even though I would like to hear what they are talking about because one of the participants is my daughter and I know that others often ask interesting questions which reveal things about her life I know nothing about. The door to the room is closed. Unfortunately the dog is on the wrong side of it and the occasional short whine penetrates through as he stares through the frosted glass at me, seemingly using telephapy to convince me to open the door.

I woke up early again this morning after five hours or so sleep and I think I will head back to the bedroom to see if I can sleep some more. I should be a bit more isolated from the voices there too. I want to go swimming later for both exercise and relaxation. I just realised the schools broke up this week so the Scottish tourists will be descending on the pool already. Lane swimming may not be as quiet as usual, no reason not to go though. I will probably sort some clothes out first before I leave though, it will give me a better idea of the task ahead.

My head is thumping a bit like the aftermath of a migraine, maybe I’ll take a couple of pills before trying to sleep. Maybe I will wake up a bit more refreshed this time. One can but hope.

And later I am. I spent longer in bed than I expected but I feel pretty good now. I get up and tackle my beard and hair. Both are overdue for a cut and four weeks away gives me the incentive to get things tidied up. The good thing about being short-sighted is that looking in the mirror is a more forgiving experience than it might be. As I stare at my reflection, I am feeling pretty good and am pleased at how neat it looks; why can’t I feel confidence like this more often?

I shower and go through the motions of applying ointments and sniping off any stray hairs now poking out after their wash and brush up. I start laying out my clothes for the holiday. I have far too many t-shirts already. I am tempted to take 10 changes of clothes (well boxers and t-shirts) but I am going to be strict and cut that down to 7. A couple of pairs of shorts and I am pretty much set. What am I getting so het up about? Time to have some breakfast. I feel I have all the time in the world.