I am sitting here trying to work out how to write about today but my thoughts are not forming into a framework as often they do, instead certain vignettes are popping into my head and leading nowhere. I feel a bit down about this because I am deliberately not playing the video games tonight since I need to go to bed at a reasonable time (within an hour of midnight) to set me up for the standard working hours of the week ahead. It would be easier to give up and play games but I am going to persevere and just go with the flow of whatever presents itself.
This echoes what I just finished reading in an interview with Celcilia Ekbäck the author of “Wolf Winter” who writes everyday “without hope, without despair”. I guess though that I did have hope but have found a bit of despair instead. I do think that perhaps I could be a bit more disciplined about developing my own character ideas. I often have thoughts about him but rarely write them down, time perhaps to get that notebook back in my pocket or beside the bed. I think it is quite a compelling book for a murder mystery set in Sweden in the early 18th Century, a country and time I know little about. I grew a bit frustrated with it because no one character fully carries out the investigation and knows the whole story but it turns out that the author did that deliberately so I am intrigued to play with a similar idea. I think I need to keep focus on the character at the moment though.
Perhaps frustration is the link for today. I had to take myself off this morning for some calming down time. Do you ever find something that you really admire and want to support but that other people close to you just don’t get? I have a constant battle in trying to keep doors closed in the house (or at work for that matter). Today however it was about art. My partner and I are looking to buy some art to celebrate the success of our business last year but the sculptures I suggested just don’t do it for them, and I got so frustrated that there was nothing I could do to change that. As I sat there (in a distant room) I examined my anger and realised that I must be passionate about the art if I felt this strongly about it.
Passion is not something I associate with myself, it is something other people have and if they are lucky enough to combine that with earning a living then, they tend to be very successful. I kind of felt that I never fulfilled my potential because I couldn’t work out what I was passionate about but now perhaps I have a trail to follow. If I can angry about something then that is suggestive that I have passions that are unexplored. I tend to associate anger with danger so it feels rather refreshing to say it could have a positive outcome. More things to take notes about.
Passions were running rather high earlier in the day. There are two types of people in our house when it comes to food and drink. One believes that all food and drink is available for the all family and so will happily munch or gulp whatever takes their fancy. The other group believes that certain things are reserved for the person that requested them and this group will get upset when they feel their “property” has been “stolen” by somebody else. I guess it is the difference between communal and individual ownership. Anyway today’s discussion was about apply juice and the amount that was available. One party deemed there was such quantity that one glass did not make a significant impact on the overall supply and that the supply could be easily renewed before it ran out. The other party didn’t want the first party to ever touch the apple juice and suggested the first party bought their own.
Of course these are opposing views and neither one is right or wrong though perhaps each holds sway in different frameworks. The first party, the one that takes a drink without a second thought, is arguing along logical lines and what they same makes perfect sense. The second party is arguing along emotional lines though perhaps isn’t articulating it clearly. The second party is saying that the first party disturbs the them when they drink (what they deem to be) the second party’s juice. In essence the first party is mentally hurting the second party and is implying that in fact the first party doesn’t care enough about the second party to stop hurting them.
Am I reading too much into the situation? Well, though I didn’t take part in this exchange I can see both sides because I have been on both sides. I have been that logical person that just doesn’t engage on the emotional level and misses the harm that is going on. I have also been on the receiving end of the hurt because the other party couldn’t listen to the emotional overload taking place before them.
For what it is worth, I fall into the “private ownership of some article” category. I seem to have come to the end of things to write so I will stop here and perhaps go to bed. Night now.