I find it hard to reconcile what is going on in my life and the wider world at the moment. My concerns are dominated by the day to day tasks and whether I choose to do them or not, and to be honest that is enough for me in the current state of depression. It is more than enough if I am completely honest. However, the wider world breaks into my bubble through contact with other people and conduits of information.
I met with some friends this morning, which we do most weeks. It is as much a social endeavour as it is a creative one and so we catch up with each other’s lives. We talk about the everyday difficulties such as sleeping at night, walking the dog, or keeping on top of the gardening but there is tougher stuff too, like claiming for benefits, hospital care or understanding blocks on creativity. Listening to others automatically goes outside my bubble, makes me consider somebody else’s life and the difficulties and triumphs they have. In a sense meeting up with others makes my bubble larger, but I am conscious that parts of my own bubble remain invisible to the others.
Actually it will depend upon the person; one person will know more about my life in certain aspects than the other, mainly because of the interests or experiences we share. But it is also about what I choose to share. One friend may know about my blog, the other may not. These bubbles are starting to get rather complicated when used in a group setting, bubbles within bubbles.
I guess there are different ways to get out of one’s own bubble. Meeting people is one, but sleeping doesn’t seem to help; I wake up with the same sort of sense of self as when I went to sleep. I have been given a respite but not an improvement. Over the last couple of days though, I have been watching some movies.
Yesterday I watched Guardians of the Galaxy, and today was Deadpool. I am not sure what it is, but these films lift me out of my stupor and for a short while afterwards, I feel clear headed again, possibly even happy. Am I looking for a superhero to save me? These films certainly have good winning over bad (ok that definition is stretched with Deadpool) often done with humour as well as spectacular stunts. There is love interest and heroics too. Interesting though, both sets of heros are criminals too when I think about it. The other film I was going to watch was Star Trek Into Darkness but that felt a little too dark for me. So to summarise, I am currently into rule breaking heroes beating the baddie to save the day with a touch of humour. Sounds like comfort films to me.
The problem with films though, is that they are rather passive. I sit and am surrounded by sound and imagery, my brain may be transported elsewhere and given new thoughts, but my body sits still. Perhaps that is why the good feeling only lasts for a short time; the memory fades quickly. Doing something that has an outcome has the possibility of lasting longer. I am going for a cycle ride soon with a friend. I am not sure that the outcome of that will last much longer than a film, but the shared experience will have the possibility of being thought about again. Cooking a meal is active, but dining alone leaves nothing particularly left to remember (is that why people post meal pictures on facebook?), sharing the meal may mean the memory lasts longer. Digging the garden may be a solitary occupation but the results of weeding do last longer than a day, a new plant grows over at least a couple of seasons, the memory lasts longer.
Now my writing has meaning again. I started today knowing that I didn’t feel like writing, I didn’t feel like doing anything much but I persevered and tried. In looking at what I was doing, getting out of my depressive bubble in different ways, I’ve managed to come across something new. I don’t suppose it really is anything new, but it a new way at looking at how activity can help me and in doing so it has given me a lift.
So thought for this day is: try to do something that gives you a memory that can last longer than a day. Sharing the activity is an excellent way of making the memory last longer. In fact sharing doesn’t need to be with people you know. I am going to put this on my blog. In doing so I am sharing it, but I am also recording it. It will be easy to look back upon and relive the time when a new thought came my way.
I may not be able to look at the wider world much at the moment, but at least within my bubble I am still living and growing. I may not be able to get a handle on Boris Johnson becoming Foreign Secretary, which was in my head when I first started writing, but I am doing the best I can.