I am on the Northern Line, heading into the centre of London. We have stopped at Highgate (short a) and the sound levels have become bearable again, only the high speed language of the two women across the way and the air conditioning came be heard. Soon we are accelerating, and my family are almost shouting at each other, at least that is how is seems to me. The sound as we accelerate and maintain speed is almost unbearable to me, painful to my mind, slowing down provides some relief but it really isn’t comfortable until we have stopped at Archway.

What has changed for me? I have visited London and the Underground regularly since I was a child. Reviewing my body, I seem pretty relaxed. My mouth isn’t tight, I am not gripping my fists or scrunching my toes. My feet are at a 30 degree angle due to resting my heels on the bench support while my forefoot provides a platform to rest on. This elevates my knees and by resting my bag on my lap, my computer is at a good angle to type.

Is my discomfort a side effect of my anti-depressents? I am physically relaxed while being fully engaged in my mind, more aware of what is going on, so aware that if I stopped typing then the sound levels would start to penetrate and hurt my brain.

Am I just overworn with stimulation? My life is so quiet normally. So much goes on in London that I am finding it overwhelming trying to process it. What has changed with my experience filter though? Is this a sign of progress with connecting to my emotions? Could be, I guess, awareness of emotion means good and bad; is this what I really want?

All the seats are taken now, and people are standing. Noise levels increase. A English man is having another loud conversation on my left, whilst the two women are still havering on my right. My family are commenting on an advert whilst the train is standing still in another station, Euston this time. We start moving and they return back to their reading and contemplating.

Now there is more shifting of people. Strange that two seats are available whilst over a dozen people are standing. Are they getting off at the next stop. Nope, at Goodge Street only people get on the train. Is is my imagination or is the train noise less now? We seem to be travelling in pretty much a straight line.

Time to stop typing and get off.

 

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